Yesterday, I watched Nuri Bilge Ceylan‘s movie “Winter Sleep”. It touched me tremendously at some unnamed level. I did not fully understand why the over 3 hour movie was so striking to me, but it was.
Today I read Daniel Garrett’s take on the movie, and that gave me some clues. I will watch more from Ceylan later; I really liked this first movie of his that I watched.
The old saying: “A map is not the territory it represents, but, if correct, it has a similar structure to the territory, which accounts for its usefulness.” (Source: Alfred Korzybski, Science and Sanity, p. 58, [via])
Mapping my mind through the output I create does not really do justice to my mind. But at the same time, there is a usefulness to it, because I produce, and I feel that there is a “before” and an “after”; that there is a delta before my involvement/action, and after.
But as I got older, I became more and more cynical, and less of a believer that my actions will make a big change.
I am now 45 years old. How will I view my past of 25 years ago when I am 70? How do I now, aged 45, view my actions from when I was 20, in 1998/1999?
1998, the year I turned 20 in the month of March. 1999. January 1999. What was that month like, this month that was 25 years ago? How about January 15th 1999?
The Janury 15th of 1999, 25 years ago, was a Friday. I was 21 years old. I had almost come to the time when I had given up my writing ambitions; those loose ambitions that did not lead to much output of consequence.
January 1999. I wrote a diary. Yes. I was very active with my diary those years. I don’t have easily access to those 25 year old journals now. But I wrote, I thought, I read, I talked, I met new people.
Fast forward 25 years. Many pages of writing. Many GB of data. Many days of living later. It is now January 15th 2024:
In 25 years, it will be January 15th, 2049.
In those 25 years, I will look back at my mid 40s. I may laugh, I may cry, I may be proud of something I will do in 2024, or 2027.
22:06. This minute will never return. But can I use that minute to write a new idea, a new thought? A new thought among the billions and billions of thoughts that – consciously or unconsciously – run through my head during my lifetime?
One reason why I write a diary is to measure my expectations vs the results. I go to a cinema. I write about it in my Day One app. And I write: “Exp: 5/6”, and after I write: “Res: 5/6” or whatever. 22:07. That minute was gone. A new minute is here.
But the minutes until January 15th 2049 arrives?
So. I have many minutes, hours, days, to create my own maze, and to map the things in new ways. Some maps will be accurate descriptions of my mood at that minute, day, year, while others will be like reverse images, inverted, upside-down. Reality distorted into some fantasy.
Distorted. 22:13. Tomorrow I have another performance. And I look at new constellations, and new relationships that build, and new themes and ideas.
22:15. Time to read some more. Enough output – for now.
In the 2000 movie “In the Mood for Love”, directed by Wong Kar-wai (who I have heard about a lot but never watched any of his movies), towards the end of the movie, there is this writing on the screen:
The writing, 那個時代已過去、屬於那個時代的一切都不存在了．, means – according to google translate: “That era has passed, and everything belonging to that era no longer exists.”
I watched this movie for the first time today. It struck me as incredibly beautiful. Why did I not see this movie before?
A passed era. We may remember glimpses of it, or we may re-enact it in our dreams, or write about it, conjuring the bygone times into reality once again, like Kar-wai did with this movie depicting the Hong Kong of the 1960s.
But there is also a lot to say about the visuals of this movie, which I see from reading also is something of a signature move by the director. To have a particular view on the visuals.
I will explore Wong Kar-wai’s movies more. There seems to be 10 movies by him:
| Year | Title | Seen? | |
| 1988 | As Tears Go By | n | |
| 1990 | Days of Being Wild | n | |
| 1994 | Chungking Express | n | |
| 1994 | Ashes of Time | n | |
| 1995 | Fallen Angels | n | |
| 1997 | Happy Together | n | |
| 2000 | In The Mood for Love | y | |
| 2004 | 2046 | n | |
| 2007 | My Blueberry Nights | n | |
| 2013 | The Grandmaster | n | |
| 2023 | Blossoms Shanghai | n |
Hong Kong is one of my favourite cities in the whole world. I visited it first time in 2000 (I had a gf from Hong Kong from 1999-2004), and the city created it’s own impact on me. More on that another time.
Tonight, I watched my first movie by Frederick Wiseman – his 2023 movie called “Menus-Plaisirs – Les Troisgros”. Here is the movie trailer:
I watched the movie at Cinemateket here in Oslo, which is a cinema that I did not start to visit before December 2023, even though I have lived in Oslo since 2009.
At 4 hours long, I was worried that I would get bored during this movie. But no, I did not. It was mesmerizing. It was wonderful.
A quote from the New York Times review of the movie:
Wiseman’s approach is analytical and dialectical, and only seemingly straightforward. As is customary with his movies, “Menus-Plaisirs” doesn’t have music, voice-over narration, onscreen descriptive text, chapter titles or any other standard hand-holding. Wiseman instead uses images of specific physical spaces — the movie opens on the Roanne railway station and then cuts to its bustling, sumptuously stocked farmer’s market — that immediately establish a strong sense of place. In other words, he grounds you in the world of the movie and then, face by face, shot by shot, scene by scene, steadily fills in its details.
Source
This “sense of place” was important for me – to really get into the flow of the environment at this 3 Michelin stars facility, and how the different people who worked there behaved towards each other.
One of my favourite scenes in the film was the situation where one of the cooks had made an error, and the Chef then showed him in two different books the section he could read in those books to gain the information about that procedure. I loved it so much.
I will watch more Wiseman movies in the future.
In January 2020, I became one of the founders of a small Facebook group here in Norway, for people who have a certain reading goal for the year. The idea came from one of my friends from my uni years, AK, and I joined in the project.
It has now been 4 years going, 2020-2023, and it is in it’s 5th year. It is a rather simple group. Every member has a thread for the year – a reading thread – and in the original post on that thread you write your reading goal. I for instance have the goal of reading 50 books per year. And then I comment on the entry for every new book. My structure in the comments is for instance this (translated to English):
Book 4. Finished January 10th. Dice roll: 6
Geert Mak: “The Many Lives of Jan Six: A Portrait of an Amsterdam Dynasty” (Amazon)
Norwegian version, audiobook.
This was my first Geert Mak book, and it really gave me a taste to read more by that author. This book gave a really good insight into Amsterdam history over 4 centuries, and the dynasty of the Six family over the years.
A well written book, translated into Norwegian in a manner which did not annoy me, and I liked the voice of the narrator
I really did finish this audio book yesterday, January 10th, and I am now working my way through book 5 for 2024.
We know that gamification works, and my mind is pretty well matched to things like this – having a goal, and then working towards that goal, during the days, the weeks, the months. So, for 2024, my goal is once again to have read 50 books before the end of the year.
I have a semi-updated spreadsheet with the overview of the books I have read in these years since 2020, and my goal is to update that more often.
Earlier in my life, I still read – but I did not methodically update a list of what I read, when I finished it, and give a review of what I had read. My estimate is that during my 20s and 30s I read on average 25 books a year. That is now doubled – I have managed to achieve my reading goal for all the years since 2020 except 2022 – and I aim to keep it at that level for the coming years.
Reading really just takes up more of my time these last years, and I like it a lot. I watch hardly any linear TV at all, and I rarely follow new series on streaming series. I go to the cinema quite a lot, though, and that is an activity that I prioritize.
It is January 11th. The new year is hardly so new anymore. But I find myself thinking about DLTQ.org a bit more often, and tonight, on this Thursday night, I write again.
In December of last year, I did write about “Questions for 2024”, and I did not follow up that blog entry. I will do that now.
I guess my context needs to be updated here. After the sudden separation and later divorce from my wife in 2020 (we had been married since 2010 and been a couple since 2008), I did quite a lot of soul searching; seeking my own path, and made some changes. In January 2022, I left the IT industry, where I had been working since 2009, and I started working as a project manager in a big organization here in Norway. In January 2021, I made the decision to cut off contact with my mother. First the decision was for half a year, and after that half-year it became a permanent decision. I will not go too much into details here, and I am not a victim, but my mother was a fiend, and she did a lot to destroy her children. In November 2023, after my step-father K. died, I also got rid of my mother’s surname, Monsen, and replaced it with my father’s surname – Pettersen – as my new middle name. So I went from Raymond Monsen Kristiansen to Raymond Pettersen Kristiansen in November 2023. I am still transitioning into getting used to this new name; I have had that former name since I was 16 years old, in 1994.
My son, born in 2010, is now 13 years old, and he lives with me during the weekdays/schooldays and with his mother in the weekends. I have a good relationship with my ex-wife, and we have a decent collaboration about his upbringing.
I still work as project manager in that organization, and I will most likely stay there. When the weather is nice, I can walk from our apartment at home to the office in 23 minutes, which is a nice walk through this part of Oslo, the capital of Norway – where I have lived since 2009.
A lot has happened since 2000, when I was 21 years old and started blogging on LiveJournal. Or later started videoblogging in late 2004, or did other social media things. I have grown less interested in broadcasting my life to the world. I have also gained a slightly more introverted personality; I am not so eager to attend gathering and meetings as I was earlier, even though I do for instance at work organize conferences, seminars, workshops etc.
I live in the Briskeby area of Oslo, which is situated in the middle between the Royal Gardens and the Vigeland park – two great parks which are good to walk through during most of the year. I can walk to either park in about 8 minutes. I have lived in this area since Februar 2021; almost 3 years now. I aim to live in this part of Oslo until my son is finished with 10th grade at the school (he attends Uranienborg school, where he is now at 7th grade). After 10th grade, I will most likely move to another part of Oslo which is less expensive – Briskeby is quite an exclusive part of Oslo.
So. Yes. Reading. I read a lot, and I enjoy it so much. I have also started enjoying travelling more, and my two trips to Tanzania in 2023 (for a month in July, and 1 week in December for Christmas/New Year) were great. I have also become active in Engineers Without Borders here in Norway, and I will start getting more involved in different projects, most of them on the African continent.
I may write more here on DLTQ soon. I… actually hope so. That I will get into the habit of this again. The self-reflective praxis is good for me, and is different than from my different physical or app diaries.
It is the first week of 2024. A new year of reading, for me, but also – perhaps – a new year of writing. Writing blog entries here on DLTQ.org.
DLTQ – Don’t Lose the Question – has been around as my name for my online writing since 2002, when I was active at TIG in my spare time while living and working in Brussels, and later my wordpress blog at dltq.org since 2005 (Wayback machine).
It is now 24 years since I first blogged, on LiveJournal, which had then recently released. It was early 2000. I had just taken my first inter-continental trip – I visited Hong Kong for three weeks in January 2000 to visit my then gf. I was 21 years old, turning 22 in march, and I was eager to read, learn, connect, get involved. Tune in, so to speak.
Between 2000 and 2009, I wrote a lot of blog entries, and I also created a lot of videos during my years of vlog exploration (2004-2009). But in July 2009, my shift changed, and I started writing less.
I am quite binary in my engagement in things. I either tune in, or I tune out. I have been involved in many arenas over the years, and seen a lot of processes.
2023 became a year where I decided to visit the African continent for the first time, and I decided to go for Tanzania in east Africa. I went there in July 2023 for a month, and for a week in December 2023. This is connected both to a personal interest in understanding the African countries more (it will take a lot of time), as well as being a being more effective in my work as a volunteer at EWB Norway.
Ever since my voluntary work at Canal Africa, a local TV station for the African community in Copenhagen in Denmark in 2007-2009, I have had Africa somewhere in my consciousness. But it took some more years before I finally went in 2023.
It is now 2024. I work at an organization for engineers and technologists here in Norway. I am active in EWB. My son is now 13 years old. I live in central Oslo where my son stays with me during the weekdays and with his mother in the weekends.
Since 2020, I have had the goal of reading 50 books per year, and so far I have managed to do that 3 out of 4 years. I really have a tendency to read more and spend less time scrolling the social media.
There isn’t a central theme in this blog entry. I just basically wish to update a bit, and to hopefully get back into the habit of writing here. Even though I am much less interested in the whole publishing for the open internet than I was earlier. I guess I have changed since 2005.
Wishing you all a great 2024!
I have not written here since June. It does not mean that I have not written, or reflected. It just means that I have not done it here, on this site.
DLTQ.org – Don’t Lose the Question.
What questions did I ponder over in 2023? And what questions will I keep at my center in 2024?
As this year approaches it’s end, I think about that, and I will return to DLTQ before the end of this year with some possible answers.
11 days ago, Friday June 2nd 2023, was when I decided to review my previous summer plan, and change it completely around. Based on a strong feeling, I knew that I needed to go far outside my comfort zone; I needed to travel to Tanzania. I wrote about that here.
I have never been on the African continent, and I am in my process now of getting small glimpses into it, glimpses into the continent, through Tanzania as my first gate. First, but not last.
I know that the trip will be a new experience. That is a given. My first trip to India, sometime in my future, will also be a new experience, to put it mildly. But I also know that somewhere in this new horizon, and new experience, there will also be a new set of PDR – Planning / Doing / Reviewing. Old concepts and assumptions may crumble. Old views of what an African society is like may crumble. Or it may be confirmed. Confirmed in my eyes, that is.
I have not blogged so much lately. That may change when I get there on June 30th, but it may also continue. In either case, I will try to plan ever smaller challenges for myself to dive into.
But I now know that I will also go to Mbeya. I will avoid Arusha and other safari-loaded places. I may stay in Mbeya for 10 days or so during my time in Tanzania. The Mbeya region has 1.7 million inhabitants. Who are they? What are their dreams, hopes, fears, nightmares? What do they aim for in their society? What is the future of this city, this region, this part of the country?
I leave for Tanzania on Thursday June 29th. It is now June 13th. I will be leaving in 16 days. It feels so wonderful.
But in the meantime: A ton of work. And I will do what I can do plan/do/review. But in small cycles. Iterative movements.
In 2007, during VlogEurope in Heidelberg, I organized an event. The participants would be given a certain timeframe, and they would get a card each from the Oblique Strategies (Wikipedia). The task was to create a videoblog entry with the theme from the card.
My card was this one:
I remember that when I pulled this card from the pack, and it was my card for the time… This really struck me, almost like a lightning.
The point is:
You define an area as ‘safe’ – whether it actually is safe or not.
Then you use that area as your anchor, and from that anchor you can build further.
The message in this card has been with me ever since, and I often do it, in all kinds of situations and contexts. I conceptually define a “safe spot”, and then I use that spot as my anchor.
Now that I am not going across Europe for my summer vacation, but instead going to Tanzania, I am also doing this – looking for safe spots, that I can use as anchors.
One very concrete example. I use a focal point in the map: Nafari Art Space (GMaps / Website). The ethos of this place seems just right for me, and I decide to look at areas around that. Perhaps that space can be a “safe spot”, that I can return to often. Hang around. And from that space, I can circle myself out, seeking out other anchors. And as time goes, I will have several anchors in the city.
This is how my map of Dar es Salaam looks now:
As the month of July progresses this year, I will have more and more pins, and they will have specific categories, as well as notes. They are not public, so it is just in my view, but they are important as part of my processing of the event.
Defining. Using the anchor. Using the anchors. Switching the anchors. Finding my own rhytm.
(Process)
My plans for this summer vacation has changed.
My first version of the summer vacation plans was: Amsterdam, Brussels, Warsaw, Krakow, Milan, lake Como area, and finally back home to Oslo. Three weeks solo travel.
My second version of the summer vacation plan was: Amsterdam, Brussels. Warsaw, Krakow, eastern Czech Republic, back home.
But yesterday night, during a conversation at the summer party at work, I decided on the spot to change my summer vacation plans completely.
I will instead go to Tanzania for the entire summer vacation.
It is linked to several things, basically.
Mostly, it is linked to my wish to get first-hand experience on the ground in an African country. How can I do my job properly as leader of the expert group for IT and digitalization at Engineers Without Borders Norway if I do not have any field experience?
Also, this summer, when I have my summer vacation, I would feel better if my vacation is conceptually linked to something larger. And if I now spend 4 weeks in Tanzania in this summer, both to relax and recharge my batteries, as well as doing field trips, and talking with locals, questions related to Their life, their situation, their hopes, dreams, opportunities; I will feel better afterwards.
Also, I have the intuitive feeling that this trip will mark a new direction for me. The trip marks, cements, my dedication to a new urge to challenge my comfort zone. To see new things. To find new threads.
To weave with new threads. Weave the next phase of my life with new threads, and based on new designs.
Of course, this sudden change in my summer vacation plans has consequences, including economically. But I will now start to conceptualize ways I can apply for funds for my field trip this summer. And I will also find/invent new threads related to this that will aid me in this process.
I will begin by talking about the trip with others, and ask for feedback. I will explore the Existing links, and seek new ones. The links are the threads; while the…
Let me explain my weaving process.
Data points are of several types: Facts, intuition, emotions, analysis.
Threads are of several types: Cognitive links, emotional links, intuitive links.
My weaving is combinations of these elements; an interplay between them. My instrument for the actual weaving is myself, in all my aspects.
I create internal «heat maps» as a part of my process. I scan my field of vision, which as I mentioned includes different sources and processes. And in this scan, I have started to use my intuition as my «sensor» much more often. I look at the picture, the field, the different elements with my intuitive sensory system. I reach deep inside myself, within seconds or hours, and I see the heat map-like. I see it visually with my mind.
So, «heat map» is an image of my mental processes, just like the «litmus test» is another.
And I listen to the results of my heat map view.
Yesterday, I did a scan, in the middle of my talk with the other person. It took 2-3 seconds. The scan revealed this new heat map, where there was the huge red/orange new spot, it almost blinded me. It said: «Skip Europe this summer. Go to Tanzania. Go to Dar es Salaam.»
So, in a month, on July 3rd, 2023, I will be in Dar es Salaam. I will write about this process under the tag «Tanzania 2023».