The old saying: “A map is not the territory it represents, but, if correct, it has a similar structure to the territory, which accounts for its usefulness.” (Source: Alfred Korzybski, Science and Sanity, p. 58, [via])
Mapping my mind through the output I create does not really do justice to my mind. But at the same time, there is a usefulness to it, because I produce, and I feel that there is a “before” and an “after”; that there is a delta before my involvement/action, and after.
But as I got older, I became more and more cynical, and less of a believer that my actions will make a big change.
I am now 45 years old. How will I view my past of 25 years ago when I am 70? How do I now, aged 45, view my actions from when I was 20, in 1998/1999?
1998, the year I turned 20 in the month of March. 1999. January 1999. What was that month like, this month that was 25 years ago? How about January 15th 1999?
The Janury 15th of 1999, 25 years ago, was a Friday. I was 21 years old. I had almost come to the time when I had given up my writing ambitions; those loose ambitions that did not lead to much output of consequence.
January 1999. I wrote a diary. Yes. I was very active with my diary those years. I don’t have easily access to those 25 year old journals now. But I wrote, I thought, I read, I talked, I met new people.
Fast forward 25 years. Many pages of writing. Many GB of data. Many days of living later. It is now January 15th 2024:
In 25 years, it will be January 15th, 2049.
In those 25 years, I will look back at my mid 40s. I may laugh, I may cry, I may be proud of something I will do in 2024, or 2027.
22:06. This minute will never return. But can I use that minute to write a new idea, a new thought? A new thought among the billions and billions of thoughts that – consciously or unconsciously – run through my head during my lifetime?
One reason why I write a diary is to measure my expectations vs the results. I go to a cinema. I write about it in my Day One app. And I write: “Exp: 5/6”, and after I write: “Res: 5/6” or whatever. 22:07. That minute was gone. A new minute is here.
But the minutes until January 15th 2049 arrives?
- 789,004,800 seconds
- 13,150,080 minutes
- 219,168 hours
- 9132 days
- 1304 weeks and 4 days (source)
So. I have many minutes, hours, days, to create my own maze, and to map the things in new ways. Some maps will be accurate descriptions of my mood at that minute, day, year, while others will be like reverse images, inverted, upside-down. Reality distorted into some fantasy.
Distorted. 22:13. Tomorrow I have another performance. And I look at new constellations, and new relationships that build, and new themes and ideas.
22:15. Time to read some more. Enough output – for now.