A friday. A friday in a string of fridays, about 52 per year, about 520 per decade.
This Friday, May 31st 2024, is when I thought about blogging again, here on this olde website, which has been there like a rope around my neck for many years. Last month I almost let the domain name registration relapse; not renew it. Get rid of it.
But that’s the whole point, for me. Don’t Lose the Question(s). And here I am, on this Friday night, at 22:29 CEST, and I wonder: Did I lose some of my questions?
What drove me earlier, fueled my passions? And how is that compared to how things are now?
I remember March 2018 clearly. I decided, one evening, to “get involved”. I spent so much energy for the next months in 2018 that my wife’s patience grew incredibly thin. “You are never home”, she said. And she was right. I knew it.
Well, she moved on in 2020 and now lives with her new partner. That is fine, life does go on, nothing lasts forever.
My blogging period certainly did not last forever. My passion for blogging was HUGE in 2000, and then I got more busy with other things for a while, and then from 2004 it went all over. And in 2005 I started dltq.org on wordpress.
19 years ago.
This evening I have not done enough reading. So I will read a few hours now.
(blogging, just one entry at the time, to try to get into the habit again)
I am 46 years old; and I started blogging in 2000, using first one tool, and then over the next years other tools. Back then, at the start of 2000, I was 21 years old, and all of this was very new then.
But now, in 2024, this is not new. This is not exciting. The way I consume information is not through posting, writing, pushing electrons out there. Instead, to a much larger extent, I read. I read and I reflect. By myself. In my Day One journal on my phone, and in my physical diaries.
Whether I should blog or not is the big question. I really don’t feel the need for it. [Question 1 to ChatGPT 4o / Google Gemini Advanced]
Personal motivation My motivation for blogging was several things: Finding connections Reflection through writing Seeing dots in the landscape
But once the connections were found, and the dots were clear, I lost interest. I moved on. I had the most excited phase of blogging from 2004-2006 or so. Way Back Machine has quite a few saves over the years; 268 snapshots. Here is one from July 16th, 2005 or September 28th, 2011. The latter has a sentiment close to May 29th 2024 (this blog entry):
I have for some months planned to re-start DLTQ.org, finding a new path, a new set of themes to cover, improve my language, improve the readworthiness of my entries.
But at the end of the day, I never prioritized that. I never went down and spent those days it took to get a nice design here, or figure out how to plan my future entries, or how to enhance my language. At the end of the day, this site was simply sitting there, empty.
So I guess this is me saying that this is how it will be, for some time.
What would a meaningful and fulfilling blogging experience look like for me in 2024?
Envision what would make blogging worthwhile and satisfying at this stage in your life. Think about potential topics, formats, or approaches that could reignite your passion for blogging. Consider what you want to achieve through blogging and how it aligns with your current interests and goals.
ChatGPT 4o
Well, there IS no meaningful and fulfilling blogging experience for me in 2024, as I see it. Not because the technology has changed, really, but because of how I have changed. Me.
There is no simple solution. And it is 10 PM CEST here now, on this Wednesday night, and I will turn to reading instead.
The old saying: “A map is not the territory it represents, but, if correct, it has a similar structure to the territory, which accounts for its usefulness.” (Source: Alfred Korzybski, Science and Sanity, p. 58, [via])
Mapping my mind through the output I create does not really do justice to my mind. But at the same time, there is a usefulness to it, because I produce, and I feel that there is a “before” and an “after”; that there is a delta before my involvement/action, and after.
But as I got older, I became more and more cynical, and less of a believer that my actions will make a big change.
I am now 45 years old. How will I view my past of 25 years ago when I am 70? How do I now, aged 45, view my actions from when I was 20, in 1998/1999?
1998, the year I turned 20 in the month of March. 1999. January 1999. What was that month like, this month that was 25 years ago? How about January 15th 1999?
January 1999, with Friday January 15th 1999 highlighted
The Janury 15th of 1999, 25 years ago, was a Friday. I was 21 years old. I had almost come to the time when I had given up my writing ambitions; those loose ambitions that did not lead to much output of consequence.
January 1999. I wrote a diary. Yes. I was very active with my diary those years. I don’t have easily access to those 25 year old journals now. But I wrote, I thought, I read, I talked, I met new people.
Fast forward 25 years. Many pages of writing. Many GB of data. Many days of living later. It is now January 15th 2024:
January 2024, with Monday January 15th 2024 highlighted
In 25 years, it will be January 15th, 2049.
January 2049, with Friday January 15th 2049 highlighted
In those 25 years, I will look back at my mid 40s. I may laugh, I may cry, I may be proud of something I will do in 2024, or 2027.
22:06. This minute will never return. But can I use that minute to write a new idea, a new thought? A new thought among the billions and billions of thoughts that – consciously or unconsciously – run through my head during my lifetime?
One reason why I write a diary is to measure my expectations vs the results. I go to a cinema. I write about it in my Day One app. And I write: “Exp: 5/6”, and after I write: “Res: 5/6” or whatever. 22:07. That minute was gone. A new minute is here.
So. I have many minutes, hours, days, to create my own maze, and to map the things in new ways. Some maps will be accurate descriptions of my mood at that minute, day, year, while others will be like reverse images, inverted, upside-down. Reality distorted into some fantasy.
Distorted. 22:13. Tomorrow I have another performance. And I look at new constellations, and new relationships that build, and new themes and ideas.
22:15. Time to read some more. Enough output – for now.
